Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Will work for food.....stamps

Shortly after I got out of the Army I went to work for a very large county sheriff's department. I got stuck in the jail, which for the most part sucked. There was lots of interesting people there, but the long hours "working the floor" was no fun. Then I got sent to booking, which was a definite improvement.

One night we got the city transfer in, which was rather large. There were only two of us that night booking about 30 new prisoners, several of which were "working girls". As I went down the line booking each new one in I'd have to do a complete inventory of all their property. Boy there's an opportunity to see some strange stuff. These people would come in with all kinds of stuff in their bag. The "working girls" had the normal things you'd expect for their line of work-small change (pay phones used dimes back then), jizz bags, and whatever else they may have in their purse or where ever they kept stuff. Anyway I was booking one in, dumped out her property, and there was a bunch of food stamps. I looked at them, then at her, and she explained that she accepted food stamps also. I don't think that's really what USDA and the welfare program really had in mind when they set that up.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Strange people

A couple of years ago there was a rash of incidents wherein males would call the homes of school-age boys and girls. He would speak with the children, usually the girls, and convince them he was the school disciplinarian (I guess I spellt that right). He would tell them he had a report that they had been bad in school, such as by cussing or something silly like that, and he was calling to make sure they were properly punished. To do that he would have them spank theirself. Oh yeah! Let some caller talk you into spanking yourself. There were several of these incidents, like a group of men were working together or something.

Anyway, our local guy doing this ran an automotive shop and he and his employees all wore uniforms from the local uniform supply company. The company got word of the goings on, and decided to pull the contract from the shop owner, and stop supplying them uniforms. The local agent stopped me one morning and asked how he should go about doing it. Hell I don't know. But one thing I do know. What's that? When you talk to the shop owner, don't let him talk you in to spanking yourself.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Norman, what the hell are you thinking??!!

One day last week I was stopped at a stop light, waiting for it to turn. Across the road was Norman, on of the locals. I noticed Norman drove forward, stopped, and then started to go through the light. He didn't get far because cross traffic and I caused him to pull to the side of the road. Never mind the fact that it's the wrong side of the road, with Norman going the wrong way. I had to walk across the road to get to his car, with traffic driving past like I wan't even there. Maybe they didn't see me. They may have been too busy wondering just what the hell Norman was doing.

Anyway, I made it over to Norman's car. I just looked at him and said "Norman, what the hell are you thinking??!!" Norman just looked back at me and without missing a beat told me "I'm thinking I need to get home before I pooh my pants. I got to pooh!" Geeeeezzzzzz!!!!!! Not wanting Norman to pooh his pants if he wasn't at home, I got him out of traffic and on his way. I just didn't have the heart to give Norman a ticket because he had to pooh.

Maybe tomorrow if I see Norman I'll ask if he made it home OK.